God or organized religion?

what do you do when you believe in God but not organized religion?

this is a question that i have been asking myself for years.  what are you supposed to do?  the bible states that you are to remain in fellowship with one another and the church as a whole has adapted that to mean we all need to congregate on the Sabbath each week.  For some, the Sabbath begins Friday evening when the sun sets & for others it begins Sunday morning when the sun rises, but make no mistake, it holds the same basic concept no matter what religion you believe - if you're a true believer, you go to church.

now, the modern church has put a spin on "going to church".  there are many congregations that hold services in homes comprised of smaller groups of people, often referred to as life groups, community groups, small groups, etc., that do teachings & have simple conversation regarding that weeks readings.  i believe that that is more along the lines of what church is supposed to look like.  not a big building for thousands to come to only to get lost in the masses, to sing "X" amounts of songs, spend "X" amount of time at the alter, to pray prayers with "X" amount of cliches and seeing how many times you can fit some variation of God's name into it, or for one person to share THEIR interpretation of the scripture for "X" amount of time.  i have a hard time believing that church is meant to be so methodical.

but the real problem that i'm having is that when i ask myself if i would want to go to church even after all of those things were removed from it, i still find myself saying no.  no, i would not want to go to church, even that church.  and the reason i know that is because i have attended churches that look similar to what i described the modern church to be.  and even though i was intrigued by them, i didn't really want to be there.  this bothers me.  shouldn't i want to be there?  if i really loved God, shouldn't i want to go to church?  i know that i was taught as a child that it was necessary to go and that it was what i needed to do to show that i loved God.  but now i'm wondering if that's really true?

isn't spending time reading, praying, & silently waiting on the Lord what really matters?  isn't loving & caring for the widows, orphans, hurting & less fortunate what really matters?  isn't doing your best to live your life for God as guided by his Word what really matters?  i guess i'm just searching out the importance of going to church every sunday morning when my heart isn't even there.  wouldn't it make more sense to just stay home & study or meditate or to spend time at the shelters loving & helping people?  isn't that church? learning, fellowshipping, caring for others & thanking God for it all?  it sounds the same, it just looks a little different.  and i for one think that the church needs to start looking different.

these are my thoughts as of today.  you never know, they could change tomorrow, but i doubt it.