God or organized religion?

what do you do when you believe in God but not organized religion?

this is a question that i have been asking myself for years.  what are you supposed to do?  the bible states that you are to remain in fellowship with one another and the church as a whole has adapted that to mean we all need to congregate on the Sabbath each week.  For some, the Sabbath begins Friday evening when the sun sets & for others it begins Sunday morning when the sun rises, but make no mistake, it holds the same basic concept no matter what religion you believe - if you're a true believer, you go to church.

now, the modern church has put a spin on "going to church".  there are many congregations that hold services in homes comprised of smaller groups of people, often referred to as life groups, community groups, small groups, etc., that do teachings & have simple conversation regarding that weeks readings.  i believe that that is more along the lines of what church is supposed to look like.  not a big building for thousands to come to only to get lost in the masses, to sing "X" amounts of songs, spend "X" amount of time at the alter, to pray prayers with "X" amount of cliches and seeing how many times you can fit some variation of God's name into it, or for one person to share THEIR interpretation of the scripture for "X" amount of time.  i have a hard time believing that church is meant to be so methodical.

but the real problem that i'm having is that when i ask myself if i would want to go to church even after all of those things were removed from it, i still find myself saying no.  no, i would not want to go to church, even that church.  and the reason i know that is because i have attended churches that look similar to what i described the modern church to be.  and even though i was intrigued by them, i didn't really want to be there.  this bothers me.  shouldn't i want to be there?  if i really loved God, shouldn't i want to go to church?  i know that i was taught as a child that it was necessary to go and that it was what i needed to do to show that i loved God.  but now i'm wondering if that's really true?

isn't spending time reading, praying, & silently waiting on the Lord what really matters?  isn't loving & caring for the widows, orphans, hurting & less fortunate what really matters?  isn't doing your best to live your life for God as guided by his Word what really matters?  i guess i'm just searching out the importance of going to church every sunday morning when my heart isn't even there.  wouldn't it make more sense to just stay home & study or meditate or to spend time at the shelters loving & helping people?  isn't that church? learning, fellowshipping, caring for others & thanking God for it all?  it sounds the same, it just looks a little different.  and i for one think that the church needs to start looking different.

these are my thoughts as of today.  you never know, they could change tomorrow, but i doubt it.

there are words deep within my soul that are yearning & burning waiting to be unburied & etched on white canvas harder than stone but nothing comes out, nothing makes sense all empty thoughts splattered on a blanket if only you could see the words that are trying to pour out of me.

wat up wit dat?

schnykies.

sometimes that's the only fitting response to situations in life.

some people, i tell ya.  makes a person want to throw their arms up into the air & scream with all of their might, "I GIVE!".  then...at that moment, they make you want to bring those arms back down into earth's atmosphere juuuuust long enough for you to grab them by the shoulders & pull their heads out of their arses so you can make dang certain that they can hear every last word about what you have to say. now, once you're done tearing them a new one, promptly bend them over so you can kick their heads riiiight back up into their bootwuas where it was before you had to get down & dirty with them.  and in a perfect world, they would care about what you had to say & they would turn from their ars-hole ways & all would be well in the world once again.

in a perfect world.

do you ever try to do a nice & friendly thing for someone only for it to be taken WAY the wrong way & thrown back into your face?  i mean, seriously.  what's up with that?  *not to be mistaken with SNL's "what up wit dat?" segment.  ;)

i think that's enough shenanigans for today.  toodles.

what have you

so, after spending the last hour of my morning facebook stalking people, mostly people I do not know at all, mind you, I have come to some conclusions.

1.) First, there are some VERY attractive people out there. I mean, seriously. Thank you, attractive people, for sharing your attractiveness with us. I'm realizing that this could sound rather creepy...& it probably is creepy. Note that I, however, am not a creep. But then I suppose only creeps would have to say they weren't creeps...so i give. Think what you may.

2.) Second, people can be pretty unbelievable. And by this I do not mean amazing - more like idiotic. It made me laugh a bit, I won't lie. I will not name any names just on the off chance that someone reading this could know these persons but let me just say this, that when I reflected back on my life upon seeing some of these idiotic things it made me SO happy with my life :)  for as many unfortunate decisions I have made in my life I feel slight genius in comparison. I bet I sound a bit of a jerk...eh. oh well.

3.) Fact: Winter is of the devil. I want sunshine & beaches & bright blue skies with gorgeous white fluffy clouds so I can sit on the green green grass & read a book while listening to AMAZING music while sipping something yummy.  *sigh  I need to go there. NOW. I am humble enough to accept donations for this cause should there be any willing.

So, in conclusion, I am a thankful creep that can be a bit of a jerk at times who is longing for summer to make my life complete.

Make it a sultry Saturday people!